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.​.​.​blackbear

by ...blackbear

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1.
I wake up at the crack of dawn to find myself right back in my own bed. I am smoking out of boredom, because it brings me right back down again. I just cannot remember any of the things you said, because I chose to forget them, Unaware of the circumstances or this feeling of uncompromising loss. I was hoping that you would call me, But I probably wouldn't even listen. I wake to find my life in shambles, And constant nightmares haunt me every night. I won't admit how much that I miss you, because I am just far too proud to. Broken lives are never truly whole ever again. These tired eyes. These cold mornings. These pointless holidays that we know that we dread next week. I lay down at the crack of noon, just reflecting everything from the past week: Separation and anxiety has occupied my mind, And has taken me in a different direction. A convolution with no intention to make things right. These cold mornings have brought me down. Like an anchor without a ship, I am sinking without a purpose. I head outside for fresh air and a smoke. I catch a sheet of paper out the corner of my eye. Its strange refusal against the wind... Its resistance to a futile cause… After a brief moment, it lets go. It hits me like a rock. I understand that everything I've done wasn't strong. I'm out of my character. I've got to fix my life and my state of mind. Put on some clothes, head out the door, turn on the car, and just drive.
2.
"Take time. Take time to realize. Take your time in here. Time is all that we have." Is this my imagination, or is this my realization Of things that I see but cannot explain? "Just smile. Just move along." This house makes my mind and my body move in different directions. There are ghosts in the room with me. They are watching. They are waiting. I cannot be the last one to say that we made it. This won’t last for much longer. This is only just a pointless endeavor to convince myself that it's all just a dream, And I cannot seem to wake up anytime soon. If it is a dream, just wake me up. Someone wake me up. Somebody wake me up. I regret this immediately. Is this what I get for conformity? I know that this house has at least an exit or two. If there is an exit, let me out. Someone let me out. Somebody let me out. If I could leave right now, I would go without looking back. But there may not be any hope for that now. So I might as well just give it a try. Go on! Make a run for it! Try to make a run for the door And break through! But don't look! Don't look back! We are so close! Just so close! Close enough to break away from their mind games! I can taste the fresh air! It's only just a small step away! Awaking with sweat and gasping breaths, I find myself screaming at my bedroom wall. Relieved and confused, I reflect on my dream. In the end, I just say to myself, "I guess that is over now."
3.
To say my name is to ultimately say the things that I have come to fear, Because the past has only brought me shame and embarrassment. Where is my social salvation? Where is my social redemption? Where is my chance to fix everything that I’ve come to regret? I guess I get what I asked for, Although I can’t recall asking for anything at all. Now you know why I cannot utter one single phrase Without worrying like hell, Without stuttering over and over and over again, Without being over-analytical, Without fucking it up. Tell me what I am doing wrong. My mind is to that of a rotten harvest. The words grow into thoughts, And then they’re rooted up To where I just let them set for far too long. And then I over-analyze. I begin to worry, But then I stop, think, compromise with myself, And confirm the fact that I will never amount to much Besides just pacing around my room, Afraid to step outside and face my fears. Maybe I serve no purpose. Perhaps I serve no purpose. I guess I serve no purpose. It explains everything about me. My sadness, my solitude, My strong fear of you.
4.
Walking down a dirt road. My footprints leave temporary imprints upon the earth. Where did the time go? It seemed to have flown by instantly. I lost track of where I came from, And I could care less. This unknown path is just waiting to be known. These abandoned houses, beacons of my inquisitiveness. Where will I end up tonight? Eager feet progress into god-knows-what, into god-knows-where. I only seem to find myself in a newfound place. With a knack to get lost, I’ll promenade wherever I please. Wherever I go, I go galvanized. When there lies a will, there lies a way. Where there lies a passion, there lies a promise. I have lost my way back home, So I guess I’ll just walk this path alone. I haven’t thought about where I’m heading next, And I could care less. I was made to travel aimlessly towards a uncertain destination. I was always advised to reconsider an alternative of their liking, But I know that I’ll discover something. I know for a fact that I’ll come across something If I just keep walking right down this road.

about

Vocals - Zane Walsh
Guitar - Colby Neblett
Bass - Joshua Bengston
Drums - Brandon Pittman

Instruments recorded and mixed with Steven Krupp.
Mastering and vocal recordings with Jose Gonzalez @ Dagonz Audio Productions
www.facebook.com/DagonzAudioProductions

credits

released December 19, 2013

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...blackbear Lumberton, North Carolina

Lumberton band that plays music

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